 Dear Readers:
This writer asked that her letter not be printed. The recap basically is that her husband is a good man, but often calls/texts/emails/ talks to other women and does not view this as cheating as he says he does not have sex with them. She is wondering if she is over-reacting in her response to her husband’s relationships with other women. In addition, she also wondered about what the definition of cheating is and how she should approach this situation, especially since she anticipates that people will shame her for what is happening. As this is her second marriage, she is feeling pressured (by herself and others) to keep the marriage together. Here is my response to her.
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Dear Pahoua:
My mom died a year ago and I’m still feeling so sad. Everyone tells me it’s been a year, get over it, but I can’t help it. It hurts as much just like she died yesterday. Before she died, we had so many arguments and I never got the chance to tell her how much I love her and how much I miss her. Some days I literally can’t get out of bed and I’m so sad all the time I’m tired of being sad but I can’t feel anything else. Sometimes, I’ll think I’m okay and then when I’m driving home or see a sad movie or something, I’ll remember her and start crying. I know it’s not normal. My sisters don’t feel this way. I mean, they miss her but not with the same kind of pain I do. Sometimes it hurts so much that I feel like screaming and hitting something. I can’t even describe it. My husband’s so sick and tired of this that I can’t even cry in front of him no more and will lock myself in our bathroom when I cry. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t stop missing her to the length that it’s so painful for me to see other people and their moms. Please help me, I feel like I’m going crazy.
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Dear Pahoua:
My brother who is 30 just told us that he has bipolar, and that he has known for at least two years but didn’t want to tell the family. He is a really smart guy who is successful and so this is really shocking to us. We’re all really hurt, especially my parents, and then this brought up a lot of different conflicts in our family. My parents want him to go to a shaman to cure him because they don’t want him to be on medicines for the rest of his life but the rest of us really think he should keep taking his medicines. All the brothers and sisters have been fighting with each other and with my parents because we’re all thinking he should do something different. He is so mad at us and says this is why he hasn’t told us and will only talk to his doctor. I want to be supportive of him but he’s not letting me and is just mad all the time when I try to bring it up. We have always been really close and I’m so shocked that he kept this from me. Is there anything that you can tell us to help us get through this as a family?
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Dear Pahoua
Dear Readers: Here is this month’s letter. I’m a little behind, so if your email has not yet been answered, I’m working on it. Sometimes readers email me about how I choose letters. Since I get several monthly, I can’t answer them all, but I will try to get to all of them in some way, shape or form. Often, if I have similar letters, I’ll try to pick one or two that most contain the elements of all of the letters. Otherwise, to honor the time that you have taken to write in to me, I do my best to answer letters in the order I get them. I deeply appreciate the courage and thoughtfulness readers have in writing in about some of the most difficult things in their lives, and hope that I can be helpful in some way, either to the writers or to someone who may be experiencing similar issues. Thank you for continuing to support this column.
Pahoua
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