On Hopes and Gratitude for the New Year

This holiday season we encountered different kinds of tidings than those from years past. The visible sidewalks and pavement are unusual for us to see here in the Midwest when we are used to muddy white snow. Last year at this time we were fearful that school children awaiting buses in the predawn mornings would be mowed down by commuters whose views would be compromised by the tall snowbanks piled up on street corners from all the plowing. The economy has remained in a slump since the last presidential administration, budgets continue to dwindle as wallets are threadbare, and foodshelf lines grow longer. Yet, in plenty or in thrift, despite the ups and downs of life, there are still so many things to be grateful for.

In particular, I am reminded of the immeasurable gifts I take for granted. At the onset of Fall, my young cousin was in a motorcycle accident when a driver taking an illegal left-hand turn struck him. He underwent an amputation, subsequent hospitalizations, and ongoing appointments to eventually get him fitted and walking with a prosthesis. And yet through his injuries, he remains upbeat and hopeful. On one occasion when I visited him in the hospital he was telling me about a scientific discovery about new kinds of particles traveling faster than light. I asked what the implications of that meant. He joyfully replied that with this new unearthing creates the possibility of time travel. On another occasion I asked my cousin what he looked forward to most about getting his leg prosthesis. As an active runner, hunter, and talented taxidermist, I presumed he would be desirous of camping with friends and family. He answered unexpectedly and demurely that he simply wanted to walk—that he’d taken for granted how easily walking came to him before the accident. My cousin, who had and will continue to undergo several more medical appointments and hardships for the remainder of his life, was hopeful and earnest to continue on not only living, but living with optimism!

A few weekends ago I was out Christmas shopping at the mall. I passed The Giving Tree, a tree hung with gift requests from little ones, and I looked at some of the items that these children wanted. Many asked for toys of names I’m not familiar with. Most were very humble—asking for two or three presents listed in order of preference. And then there were very basic necessities that broke my heart: receiving blankets and mittens, bibs and bottles. How often have we bought myriad, unnecessary things like Wii consoles or motorized mini-SUVs for kids in our own families—or ourselves—when there are many less fortunate than us out there who don’t even have the vital things needed to survive? Some of the most well-adjusted people I know are those whose parents did not give in to their every whim. After all, how compulsory is it to have the latest video game and gadget to become a decent member of the human community?

About four years back I had a set of cousins—four brothers, to be exact—whose parents threw them a celebratory party because they’d all completed post-graduate school: three from dental school and one from the school of podiatry. What was most profound from that celebration was an observation from my uncle—the father of the doctors—who sagely stated, “Zoo tias kuv tsis muaj muab rau nej es nej thiaj li rau siab. Yog tias kuv muaj muaj li luag tej niam luag tej txiv no, ntshe nej yuav tsis peem tsheej,” which roughly translates to, “Had I been able to give you all you’d wanted, perhaps you wouldn’t have worked so hard to accomplish what you’ve done.” Of course, the ability to give or receive isn’t an indication of one’s potential to succeed or to be grateful. However, in this consumer society, many of the things we feel are intrinsic to our well-being really aren’t. Besides, how often have you encountered someone who was spoiled rotten who became a well-functioning member of the human community?

I was talking to an acquaintance of my mom’s recently about the holidays and gift-giving. She informed me that for each of her grandchildren she gives a book and socks. Usually the books are either vintage or a used book from a local bookstore. I love this idea. What more does someone need to foster healthy growth than literacy and warm feet? I, myself, am still holding onto old cashmere socks from someone from Christmases past. They’ve outlived other gifts I’ve since now forgotten about.

On the Lori and Julia show on Talk FM 107.1, there was a poll about the things people would like to do without in regards to the holidays. Many were in agreement about not wanting to buy Christmas presents and wrapping those gifts. Some wanted to do away with seeing difficult members of their families. One of the hosts said she gives gifts throughout the year. I like that idea. You can always stock up as you find things and either give them all at once or you can disperse them through the year as she does. There shouldn’t be any rules about giving.

Some of my greatest memories are of my generous siblings and their gift-giving over the years. I have a small, fire-proof safe that contains two items of value: a deflated, red, Happy 8^th birthday balloon from my best friend I got one year in my twenties; and a first-grade Santa Shop envelope my kid brother filled in for a plastic ring he was buying for my little sister—replete with her name, age, and the price of the present. During another Christmas season when I was young, one of my other younger brothers bought me a canister of wrapped peppermints. To this day my parents still use the tin for writing utensils in their living room. One summer, before the advent of mp3 files, I brought one of my teenaged brothers to the Sears audio department, where I asked for his opinion of a 50+1 CD changer. As a girl who grew up listening to analog music tapes on my phone/clock radio/tape player, I never anticipated buying the actual CD player. Wouldn’t you know it, though, that year, wrapped up for me that Christmas was the 50+1 disc stereo that my brother and mom got for me as a gift.

I’ve always had generous family, though. My older brother used to have a paper route during his ‘tween years. Most young boys who are enterprisers tend to take up lawn work or paper routes at least once in their lives. My brother used to take our younger brothers to movies with his earnings. They’d catch a city bus to the West Side, probably get some McDonald’s on the way to the theater, and sometimes they’d come back with toys for each of them. I know I got a Barbie doll once from him during that time. It makes me think of a friend of mine who wanted to run with her school’s track team, who couldn’t afford nice running shoes. Her older brother worked part-time after school and eventually got her her first Nike running shoes. To this day she still thanks him for her foray into athletics.

One thing I wouldn’t mind implementing about presents is modeling the gift of giving itself. There are some families who practice asking their children to decide on one present they’ve received either during the holidays or on their birthdays to give to an organization that gives to those in need. Other families have opted to forego present exchanges to one another and, instead, adopt a family to give to. Volunteering at soup kitchens or programs like Meals on Wheels is also a way that families can collectively give back to others. In our material world, it’s nice to have options other than handing out random things to one another just to give something. This is another great way to engage in the true spirit of the holidays.

Something else I wish we partook of more when it comes to gift-giving is that of home-made, hand-made gifts. Trinkets, toys, luxuriant hand soaps, mined conflict jewels are all fine to give and receive, but I’ve never kept anything as securely or steadfastly as hand-drawn pictures from my kid brother, nephews, or letters from my little sister. I wish we had more time to make gifts for one another.

As another year rounds the corner and the old one draws to an end, I am reminded of the things I have to be thankful for. I have a place to call home, loving and thoughtful parents, wonderful friends and family, winsome nieces and nephews, a fun way to make a living that I thoroughly enjoy, my health, and the hope for equality and peace on earth.

So, xyoo laus los xaus xyoo tshiab tawm tuaj lawm. Koj ntshaw dabtsi xyoo no? Peb Hmoob muaj ib txog kev tsheb vaj cheb tsev, them nuj them nqi ua ntej xyoo tshiab tawm tuaj thiab tsis siv nyiaj rau thawj xab hnub ntawm xyoo xiab. In addition, African-American friends of mine practice spending the last and first hours of New Year’s end and beginning with those they’d like to continue to spend time with in the year to come. How those final moments are spent seems to set the precedence for the New Year. I think this is worth a shot.

For those of us blessed enough to have family and friends to spend the holidays with, that is gift enough. Thank your mom for those home-made bags stitched in lieu of that coveted Esprit bag which you really weren’t ecstatic about carrying to school everyday, your dad for rigging that make-shift baby swing for your first-born who was too small to sit up in it, for older siblings who dropped you off and picked you up from countless friends’ homes, the library, summer camp trips, and college orientations. Count your blessings and be well, dear friends and readers.

By Sherry Ly